MY NAME IS CHIP. WEIRD SHIT JUST SORTA HAPPENS TO ME EVERY DAY. THIS IS A MEMOIR OF THAT SHIT.
I went to the Black Angels concert at The Metro last night with this chick Duck Face that I work with. The background is that on my 3rd day here she got a new puppy and wanted to show me pictures of it. She gave me her iPhone and “accidentally” showed me a full frontal picture of herself. Of course I asked her out ON THE SPOT.
I’m not usually a follower but sometimes when everyone is doing it, I have to jump on board. I’ve never been an early adopter and will often even fight it. For years I heard The Wire was the greatest show on TV but I didn’t want to cave in just because it was cool. Well… I shouldn’t have waited, that shit is mind bogglingly good. Omar’s my homeboy.
This time the cool thing to do was get the snip. I’d been toying around with the idea for years, I’m still a youngish guy, so why not? I don’t need no kids. Kids aren’t smart, they aren’t interesting, they have zero life experience, they never want to go to the bars and besides the regular naps we aren’t interested in any of the same things. “You’re playing with Legos? Sweet. Those were cool thirty years ago loser.” “The Wiggles… awesome. Bon Iver got robbed at the Grammys. Thoughts? Oh, you don’t have any because you’re a kid.” ”Want to go see Drive tonight, starts at 10? Oh that’s past your bed time. Grow up wuss.” (I’m joking of course… I love all your kids even if they are rats.)
Decision made, no kids for me. Let’s make it official. Vasectomy.
Every year for the first Friday of the NCAA Basketball tourney, me and all my scumbag friends will get together and watch the games. We skip work and get to the bar around 10am. Then we pretty much act all day like we are in still in college.
The day starts with an all-you-can-drink open bar and after 10 plus hours of drinking, it always ends exactly the way you think it does. We therefore refer to this Friday as “Black Friday.” This year Charlie decided to make the trip to Chicago for the annual debacle.
Last fall I took a trip the Finland, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania and Poland with Charlie Hustle, Bobby Ford and Felix Ackman. Here are a few pictures from our trip.
Spring break junior year of college we decided to go to my parents lake house in Texas. A pretty ridiculous crew of ten guys, including me, Hustle, Felix, Desire, KY and The Donger hopped in our cars and drove from Dayton to Lake Conroe, outside Houston.
I signed up for the Army right after high school but my reporting date wasn’t until November so I had a few months to kill. I got a few jobs to make some quick loot and because my dad wouldn’t let me just dick around the house all day riding my skateboard.
I wanted to start 2012 off BIG and no one I know is bigger than the KY Gentleman… if you know what I mean. He’s pretty sly for a white guy but you don’t get the nickname KY just because you’re from Kentucky. You get the nickname KY when KY is required. (In some circles he is also known as the Coke can.)
May 9, 2012
Chip
