Posts tagged ‘The Stories’

The Big House: Poop Story Of The Week

In 2007, I went to Ann Arbor with Smells to watch Michigan destroy Notre Dame.  I love Notre Dame football and have always wanted to go to the Big House, Michigan’s Stadium.  We got there on Friday night and did the usual campus drinking.  We woke up Saturday morning, tailgated and headed into the stadium.  When we got to our seats, I started feeling that “Uh oh” grumble down below.

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The First And Last Duck Face Date


I went to the Black Angels concert at The Metro last night with this chick Duck Face that I work with.  The background is that  on my 3rd day here she got a new puppy and wanted to show me pictures of it.  She gave me her iPhone and “accidentally” showed me a full frontal picture of herself.  Of course I asked her out ON THE SPOT.

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Bitchin’ Lebaron: Poop Story Of The Week

Our senior year at Dayton we lived near the prime parking area for commuter students, right near the academic buildings.  I’d park my Wrangler right in front of our house and leave it there for weeks.  (Except of course to drive to the bar every night.)  We pretty much had a reserved house parking spot, right in front of our place.

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The Baltics

Last fall I took a trip the Finland, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania and Poland with Charlie Hustle, Bobby Ford and Felix Ackman.  Here are a few pictures from our trip.

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The Big Snip

I’m not usually a follower but sometimes when everyone is doing it, I have to jump on board.  I’ve never been an early adopter and will often even fight it.  For years I heard The Wire was the greatest show on TV but I didn’t want to cave in just because it was cool.  Well…  I shouldn’t have waited, that shit is mind bogglingly good.  Omar’s my homeboy.

This time the cool thing to do was get the snip.  I’d been toying around with the idea for years, I’m still a youngish guy, so why not?  I don’t need no kids.  Kids aren’t smart, they aren’t interesting, they have zero life experience, they never want to go to the bars and besides the regular naps we aren’t interested in any of the same things.  “You’re playing with Legos?  Sweet.  Those were cool thirty years ago loser.”  “The Wiggles… awesome.  Bon Iver got robbed at the Grammys.  Thoughts?  Oh, you don’t have any because you’re a kid.” “Want to go see Drive tonight, starts at 10? Oh that’s past your bed time.  Grow up wuss.”  (I’m joking of course…  I love all your kids even if they are rats.)

Decision made, no kids for me.  Let’s make it official.  Vasectomy.

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Things I Learned At The Scientology Center

When I first moved to Chicago I lived in the Lakeview neighborhood near the Church of Scientology of Chicago.  I’d walk past it daily and was always intrigued.  Thinking “What the hell is going on in that place,” but I never got the gumption to just say screw it and go in.  One day I was discussing with Fancy how I wanted to go and she instantly took the bait to join me.  We planned our night; dinner, a quick stop into the Scientology Center and then to Schubas to see our friend Nathan Xander’s concert.  Game on…

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Dear Metra Rail

Dear Metra Rail,

I am on a strict schedule.  I have a routine.  I wake up, shower and then chug an enormous coffee from Dunkin Donuts.  I then get on your 2107 train to Fox Lake at exactly 7:49 a.m.  For the past 7 years, you arrive at the Western Avenue stop every Monday – Friday at exactly 7:49, exactly.  I like to sit in the same seat every morning and I will read the Tribune and kibbutz with the regular riders.  Once I’m done with the paper I’ll either rest my eyes or do the Sudoku,  I’m cool like that.

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