This will be the first Survivor recap PM (Post Mikayla).  I’m not sure how this will go but it is the beginning of a new Survivor world and I will do my best to not cry during this recap.

We start with the red tribe basically calling Cochran a wuss for not volunteering to go to Redemption Beach.  Keith tries to call him out saying “I don’t live my life letting someone else fights my battles.”   Which kind of pisses me off.  I didn’t see Keith begging to go to Redemption Beach either?  Dude… Pot, Kettle, Black.  I don’t blame Cochran one bit for letting Ozzy risk elimination.  Only a complete dumbass would ask to be sent to fight for their Survivor lives.

Cochran tells us his plan to integrate into the blue tribe after the merge and act as a double agent, giving the red tribe insider information.  He then does some kind of a Pacino/De Niro hybrid imitation which was absolutely uninspiring and confusing, leaving me scratching my head.

The redemption beach challenge this week pits Dirty Neck/Ketchup Face against Ozzy.  The impenetrable wall vs the unmovable object.  Everyone is invited to the challenge and Probst tells us that the winner of the duel will be back in the game.  Shocker! Convenient timing following Ozzy’s “vote me out” charade last week.

The challenge is to lash together sticks creating a pole long enough to snag three keys.  You then reel out the stick like a fishing pole and pull the keys back in.  Unlock three locks and free yourself. 

My first impression is, “Hey, Ozzy you dip shit, anyone can win this challenge!  This is why you don’t put yourself in the line of fire!”  Christine has managed her way through five of these type challenges already and Ozzy could be in real danger.   Well…  I couldn’t be more off.  Ozzy completely destroys her.  She doesn’t even have one key by the time he is done with all three.  My hat’s off to Christine though for an amazing run.  I pictured her going home week one.

After the challenge Ozzy gives some idiotic, bogus, obviously fake speech, to the whole group, about how horrible Cochran is and he is going to do everything he can to get back at him.  Stick to immunity challenges Ozzy because your acting skills are worse than Luke Wilson.

After the challenge, Probst throws them new yellow buffs and we head back to camp as one tribe.

Right away Cochran goes to Coach, saying that he’s in big trouble and wants to join forces with the blue tribe.  Next came my “Holy Shit!” moment of the season thus far.  Coach calls his bluff!  The Dragon Slayer lays it down…  and perfect.  He basically tells Cochran, word-for-word, what the red tribes plan is.  “You came over here and want us to think you’re not with the red tribe and you’re trying to infiltrate us and then you’ll go back to them and tell them what we are saying.”  Coach, HERE! HERE! my friend, you  nailed it!!! 

Coach tells Cochran his only option is to join forces with the blue side or the vote will be six to six and risk leaving the game by drawing colored stones.  (In cases of ties, there is a revote first.  If there is a second tie, the players draw colored stones and the person who gets the off colored stone is eliminated)

After talking to Coach, Cochran goes to Dawn and tells he is going to flip.  She is in complete agreement and starts crying, saying she wished she’d stuck up for him before.  The red tribe was a bunch of meanies and the blue tribe is so butterflies and rainbows, so they have to flip.  Me’s can handles no more of the crying!  Jesus Christi why is everyone always crying on this island!  And who cares if they were mean?  Why are people still voting along these lines?  The game is to outlast, it matters not who is nice or not.  I digress, I will slow down before I blow a gasket.

Immunity challenge… stand on a log and balance two coconuts on two strings. If the coconut falls, you fall off the log or your coconuts touch your body, you’re eliminated.  There will be two immunity winners this week, one male and one female.  I miss Mikayla’s coconuts.

Boring challenge.  Beyond boring.  People balancing, while a decent challenge, could not be less exciting to watch.  Regardless, the winner for the women is Dawn who is proving me wrong and is strong as hell in these challenges.  Maybe that is why they have her pushing wheelbarrows and holding 200 pound sticks on her shoulders.  Mens winner is Ozzy.  Yawn.  Next.

When they get back to camp, Dawn goes to Cochran and suddenly doesn’t want to flip and has decided she still loves the meanie bad guys and wants to stick with them.   Ok what?  This is literally the exact opposite of what you just said twelve hours ago but since she just won immunity, it sure is convenient to say, “Oh nevermind, that flipping idea was a bad call.”  

At Tribal Council, Sophie calls Ozzy out for his earlier bogus performance at the redemption challenge.   Probst pretty much narrows it down that this will be a six vs six tie and we are going to have to draw colored stones. 

After the vote, Ozzy then gives the “hidden” immunity idol to Whitney because he thinks she is the target for the blue team.  Welcome to the show Whitney.  Thus, eliminating votes for her and making three of the six red tribe safe. (Ozzy, Dawn and Whitney)

The votes are read, six votes for Ranger Rick on the blue tribe, five votes for Keith on the red side and one vote for Keth.  Who cannot spell Keith?  I must know!  Seriously?  Keth?

For the second vote, you must vote either Rick or Keith.  Cochran flips and the vote is seven for Keith and five for Rick.  See ya on redemption beach Keth. 

As soon as the votes are read, Cochran turns to Jim, admits he flipped and apologizes saying, “I will explain later.”  Before he can get the words out of his mouth Jim has called him a coward.  Ouch.  I disagree in “coward,”  not smart, maybe but it took a lot of balls to do what he did.

The second time he calls Cochran a “coward”, Brandon gives me Holy Shit! moment number two of the night.  He sticks up for Cochran, saying “Don’t talk to him like that, that’s what you get for talking to people like that in the first place.”  Touche’ Brandon, Touche’.

I don’t get Cochran’s move.  He was number six out of six with the red tribe but is now number seven out of seven in the blue tribe.  He at least had a chance to win drawing stones but now pretty much has no shot. 

I can sleep well tonight knowing Miki got a hot shower and is snuggled in a warm dry bed and will not be on that beach for the shitstorm Cochran is going to get next week.