Last week Cochran was given the business after his flop to the other tribe.  The previews for this week show Cochran getting lambasted back at camp.  It could get ugly.

Alright, I’ll try to get through this weeks PM2 recap (Post Mikayla) without too many Miki flashbacks.

An old college proverb is “Go Ugly Early.”  It may not be appropriate for Survivor but it’s gonna get real ugly real quick tonight.  Two seconds into the show Ozzy is at Cochran’s throat and Brandon comes in to save him?  When did Brandon become such a good guy?   Brandon says he doesn’t want any problems and Ozzy tells him “We’re not gangsters out here.”  Speak for yourself Ozzy, have you seen Rick lately?  Dude is straight gangster.

Cochran tells Ozzy he made the move because he didn’t want to put his fate in the game in drawing rocks.  It makes sense but he has still screwed himself in the long run.  He’s seventh out of seven and unless he gets some outside help, he’s toast.  Cochran got tired of the implied “ganging up” and tried to make a bold move which could be his demise.

Ozzy calls Cochran a weiner.  It made me chuckle because that was Ozzy’s best.  Cochran did a weekly stand-up routine bashing Ozzy and then Ozzy goes for the jugular and calls him a weiner.  Hilarity.

Whitney approaches Cochran and asks if he was the one who flipped?  What?  Where was she at Tribal Council?  He said he was the flipper.  Come to think of it though, where was Whitney at Tribal Council?  Wait… who is Whitney?  Is she on this show?  She says she’s pissed at Cochran because he ruined six weeks of her life.  What else was she going to be doing instead that was so important?

In the morning Coach Wade is on the beach doing his posing/yoga routine and basically acting like an arrogant asshole.  Then he starts quaking and tells the camera he want’s to be confident but not arrogant.  Too late, you’re arrogant (yet hysterical).  Coach is my new front-runner to win.  He’s taking over the game and truly living up to the Dragon Slayer role.  He’s the chess master at this point.  Finally!

Ozzy is interviewed and says his total strategy is gone.  Is this guy giving up already?  Isn’t it a little early to give up?  There’s still time to make some moves, win some challenges and find some idols.  This is survivor!  I know it’s Big Brother’s motto, but you have to expect the unexpected.  Anything can happen. 

Right to the first challenge and that sly devil, Probst, is sporting a sweet ass orange hat.

It’s a two-part challenge.  Part one is toss a coconut into a Putt-Putt hole.  The first four to do so advance. (Dawn, Jim, Whitney and Sophie)  Second part is to crack the coconuts, fill your mouth with coconut milk and then transport it to a tube.  The first person to fill the tube with coconut milk wins.

Jim fills his mouth with the most coconut milk I’ve seen since a Ron Jeremy movie. In the end he beats Sophie by one load.

Production question.  Why wouldn’t someone stick their finger down their throat and fill that tube full of puke?  Is there rules stipulating that it had to be coconut milk?  I can vomit on cue for a million bucks.  No question.  Just a thought.

Back at camp Coach calls out Ozzy about how cocky he was last week when he thought he held all the cards.  How quickly the game changes.  Coach then quotes Marcus Aurelius.  I will admit I thought that was a fictional character from Gladiator and was gonna rip Coach; however, I just did some research and dude is a real guy.  Dammit Coach!

Dawn is now considering flipping to save herself but should have thought of that earlier.  How did she not foresee them being outnumbered?  She had her chance and didn’t take it. 

Jim comes up with some cockeyed idea about giving the idol to Ozzy.   He will then give a speech about how Cochran has no honor and try to sway a vote or two.  Really dude?  You we’re my early favorite to win and this is what you’ve got?  Ozzy says he will never give up on anything as long as he lives.  Someone should remind him of his tantrum from a few weeks ago when Elyse was voted out.  Oh and like ten minutes ago when he said he game was ruined.

At tribal council it is obvious the vote is Ozzy.  Jim wisely decides to keep the idol and Ozzy is sent to Redemption Beach to fish and be awesome.

Afterwards, Probst calls this week unpredictable?  I’m not sure how so?  It was apparent Ozzy was going the second the immunity challenge was over.

But wait…theres more!  Two full episodes in one hour tonight!  Double elimination.  It is not explained why they jam two episodes into one.  My guess is they are used to someone quitting or getting hurt and they have a “buffer” episode to be safe.

At Redemption beach Ozzy fishes.  He should be careful because fishing is hard and he could be cutting up his hands and holding his breathe too much.  He does catch a monster fish and jokes  “I wonder what they’re eating today?”  I know what they are not eating Ozzy… crow.

There is no Redemption Beach duel for some reason, which is not explained and we go right to immunity challenge number two.

My boy Probst killing it in the green hat.

The challenge is to stand on a balance beam and balance a ball on this bow thing…

There is of course a challenge twist, if you are confident you won’t be voted out, you can sit out the challenge and eat donuts.  I always hate this concept.  Besides causing arguments it doesn’t do much.   I’m hungry two hours after I eat a Chipotle burrito, I can’t imagine the taste of a donut would be better than the taste of $1 million.  I just plain don’t get sitting out any challenges.  Any competitive advantage you can get in this game you have to take.  It’s like not stealing in the ninth inning when you are up by five or more runs.  Just makes no sense.  You play to win the game.

Of course the entire old blue tribe (including the warrior, Coach) sits out and shoves bear claws down their throat.  Only the three old orange compete.  (Jim, Dawn and Whitney) Jim falls out right away.  Dawn says she is staying up there as long as she can, so they can eat.  She cites that they are all one family and she is helping them?  I think she might be seeing something that I’m not, because it is quite obviously blue against orange.  She falls after doing some crazy Matrix moves and Whitney wins.  Welcome to the game Whitney Duncan.

Back at camp Cochran is feeling like the cock of the walk.  He busts out Coach’s jacket and Rick’s hat and struts his shit around camp.  Ballsy move Senor.

Jim sees the writing on the wall and makes a fight to stay.  Got to give it to him, at least he’s making some moves instead of rolling over like every other player in the history of the game.  It’s just a little too late my friend.

At Tribal Council part deux, Dawn reminds everyone she was fighting for them to eat.  Brandon calls her out, I think, in typical Brandon fashion. I do not know what he was saying but Dawn apologized, which I also do not understand.  Whitney cries because she’s not a bully.  Predictable vote number two, Jim is sent packing and joins Ozzy and Keith on Redemption Beach.

My apologies to Jim for picking him to win and essentially giving him the kiss of death.   My new prediction is shockingly Coach Ben Wade.

My dearest Miki, I miss you.

Next week  Ozzy fishes and stands on top of a tree in what looks like a scene  from a Super Mario Brothers game.

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