Survivor PM3.  Even with no Mikayla the story has managed to stay strong.   Last week two predictable votes unite Ozzy, Jim and Keith at Redemption Beach.  Too bad CBS edited the preview, showing Ozzy standing on trees like a human video game, therefore we know he is going to win the three-person duel.

Back at Chicken of The Sea camp Coach explains why they voted out Jim, as if they didn’t know.  I feel like there should be a chalkboard diagram on the beach… or an abacus.  “We voted him out because there are 7 of us and 3 of them, 7 is more than 3.”

Coach did make a valid point, that you have to keep the bottom person happy and not let them know that they are the bottom person….  I think I’d be more of a top.  I do like the point but how does Cochran not know he is last in this pecking order?

The next morning starts with more Coach poses, this time with his new Jedi Padawan Cochran.  It’s too bad Cochran is getting his first yoga class, taught by a dude, on a deserted beach.  My first yoga class was in a room full of girls in tight pants.  It was like shooting heroin directly into my veins.    I just think Cochran may be getting a little short changed.

Coach tells Cochran he is worried but doesn’t know why.  CBS tries to make this a deep moment but, really?  So what?  “I’m worried but I don’t know why?” isn’t really telling me much.  Noted.  Coach may be worried.

This week’s Redemption Beach three-man duel pits old pals Keith, Ozzy and Jim.  It’s another retread challenge, where you have to hold two poles up erect.  It’s too bad Papa Bear wasn’t here for this challenge, I bet he has held two erect poles quite a few times.

The challenge is all shoulder strength and I’m quite impressed with how long they actually hang in there, that shit is hard; however, watching is all for naught.  As I pointed out at the beginning, this week’s preview shows Ozzy running around like George of the Jungle, so we know he wins.

Keith and Jim are booted and will be the first two members of the jury.

I’d like to get some statistics on challenge wins, because Ozzy is a challenge stud.  Too bad he blows butt chunks at the social aspect of the game.

Probst tells Ozzy to head back to Redemption Beach and Ozzy explains that he thinks he’s in a good spot in the game.  He can eat fish all day, get stronger, not play a social game and control his own destiny.  Then, when they bring him back he can align with the outcasts.  Great.  You can “survive” in the jungle but not play Survivor.  Bro… more than half this game is social.  This is the classic Russell move of making it to the finals but not caring if you win.  You have to play socially to win!

At Redemption Beach more fishing from Ozzy, who is swimming around like some kind of merman.  If he does make it back to the game and can somehow align himself with Coach would be fairly poetic.  Then Ozzy climbs a tree like it aint no thang.

At Tuna camp, Dawn realizes she kinda screwed up by not making the flip with Cochran and they discuss her trying to make the flip now.  Good idea but.. I don’t know, maybe you should have thought of this a few weeks ago.   Where’s that abacus when I need it?  Dawn seems like a great person but not so much good at the Survivor.

This week’s Immunity Challenge is to fill a bowl with rice, balance it on your head, then walk across two teeter-totters and empty your rice into another bowl on another teeter-totter.

With all of his morning balancing drills Coach should dominate this challenge.  He doesn’t.  Sophie wins, setting up a predictable 7 vs 2 Tribal Council.

Afterwards Probst reveals that there will be a secret “twist” but they will have to wait until tonight to find out.  Hmmm…  What could it be?  I often times think CBS may be pulling an Indiana Jones and making this up as they go.

Whitney sums up the old blue tribe spot on, saying “Brandon is a loose cannon, Rick isn’t playing and Edna has her head up Coaches butt.”   Whitney and Dawn scramble to get Cochran and Albert to flip.  All this is great TV but completely pointless.  Flipping at this point would make zero sense.  Where’s that abacus?  “You see, this 7 is bigger than this 2.”

Can someone tell me how they made that sweet ass checker board?  Color me impressed.

At least Albert is pretending to play the game and tells the camera is he playing for jury votes.  Coach sees Albert rapping with the two orange gals and gets suspicious.  Coach tells Edna that Albert is playing for jury votes.  Again he is spot on in his analysis.  Maybe it’s third time’s the charm but it’s highly suspicious that he is so onto everyone.  When he called out Cochran two weeks ago I was floored and now he does it again.  It’s a CBS Conspiracy I tell you!

When they walk into Tribal Council, Dawn and Whitney should just be covered in blue paint like Apocalypto.  They are the next two sacrifices and it could not be more apparent.

There’s some pointless conversation and Dawn gets voted out first.  Whatever.

Oh yes…  The shocking “twist!”  Right into another immunity challenge.   My mind is blown!  Who saw this coming?  Seriously though, could CBS try any harder to speed up these inevitable episodes?

The second challenge is Probst asking “survival” questions and answers are revealed by showing one side of your cube.  I’m so confused, can’t you see other people’s cubes?  Like… use your eyes… to see with…

One of the multiple choice questions is about “heart of palm.” Coach answers “cocoa sprouts,” which was a possible answer, so it isn’t that weird and Probst calls him out?  Sometimes Probst should just shut his yapper.  It was funny but I find Probst only calling out certain people and it gets tiresome.  Stop being Alex Trebek, brother.  It’s easy for you to be so smart with the friggin’ answers on a piece of paper in front a yo’ face!

Sophie wins the cube challenge and her second immunity of the night.  Whitney gets voted to Redemption Beach.

I wonder what CBS would have done if  Whitney had won the cube challenge?  They sped up the show because of the predictability but had Whitney won, it could have gotten dirty.

We’re down to the final seven.  Something has to give.

Next week Coach says he wants to be Zeus.

Don’t forget to buy your 2012 Miki Wingle Calendar.  They are red hot!

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