Another post Mikayla episode.  The good news is, only four more episodes until the finale and we get to see Miki live.  I will fight through these last few episodes like Spartacus.

Last week I did not watch live, due to Thanksgiving.  I got home on Friday and settled in with popcorn and a High Life.  I flipped on Survivor and almost threw my remote through the TV when I realized it was a “recap” episode.  Those episodes are the biggest joke.  Instead of having an episode where they vote out two contestants in one episode, why not use the “recap” week instead for a real episode?  The only thing worse is the non-elimination stages on Amazing Race.

I had a few glasses of wine tonight before watching this episode so my facts may be a little blurry.  Those of you that know may are not shocked.

This week we’re down to the seven blue tribers, which is actually the blue six plus Cochran.

Cochran tells the tribe how in high school he made prank phone calls to girls about trading sperm?  I don’t really know if those are prank phone calls.  Prank phone calls are “Is your refrigerator running?  Well you better go catch it.”  I want to give you my sperm is nerd flirting.  There’s a difference.

Sophie doesn’t like that Cochran flipped and thinks they need to vote him out.  She wisely surmises that someone will take him to the end if they don’t get rid of him now.  We’re seeing way too much Cochran already this episode and any experienced Survivor watcher can see the writing on the wall.

Cochran makes a pathetic speech to the tribe asking them to spare him for one week but it’s obviously too late.  He flipped, it was his choice and he should have seen this coming.  He would have a better chance making some legit moves not groveling.  I see this almost as a concession speech.  I will just never get what is going through people’s minds on this show.

At the Redemption Beach Island challenge, Ninja WarriorWhitney and Dawn compete in a stacking and balancing dishes challenge.  They basically make a drink box.  When the challenge starts all I can think is that strength wont help Ozzy win this one.  He boldly predicted he would go to Redemption and just run through everyone there.  Well the challenges are all balance related and anyone can win.  Your strength isn’t gonna help you in this challenge.  Again, how wrong I am…  Ozzy wins.

Probst, where did you get that fly orange hat brother?

Dawn and Whitney are sent to be the third and fourth members of the jury.  Whitney can continue her secret relationship with Keith and then she tears up a little.  Cry Counter = 1.

Next, Dawn cries.  Cry Counter = 2.

At Redemption Beach, Ozzy is apparently still fishing.  We get it.  Ozzy fishes a lot.

At the Tuna camp, Brando is also fishing but not as good at it as Ozzy.  They interview Cochran and he says all he does when they fish is hold the fish after they catch them.  I could not really concentrate on what he was saying here because all I was thinking was “I hope that fish that took Brandon an hour to catch, jumps back in and Brandon loses his mind on Cochran.”  How about a bag or a pot or tie up a t-shirt or something?  You just stand there holding squirming fish in your hands in the middle of the ocean?  Come on Cochran.

Albert says he likes to be lazy and that the game is not working around camp, it is making relationships and winning challenges.  Correct and part of relationships is not having people think you are a lazy a-hole.  Then Albert spills water on the fire.

Out of the blue, they interview this Rick guy?  I’m not sure who he is but he calls Albert, “Prince Albert.”  Ummmm… Prince Albert?  I hate to publicly show my knowledge on this term but a Prince Albert is a penis piercing.  Either CBS knows this and is playing games with us or the editor needs to lose his job.

The next morning Coach and Cochran do more posing.  Can we possibly get more Cochran this episode?  Why is Cochrans nose so bright red?  I thought you got that from drinking?  Alas, how do I sign up for Coach beach posing lessons?

The Immunity Challenge is a mix of cornhole and shooting coconuts with a water baloon launcher.  Could this challenge be more college?  Next week is throw a round of darts and then play a game of nine ball.  The top three, Prince Albert, Sophie and this Rick guy advance past the cornhole part and Albert knocks down his targets first and wins immunity.

In addition to immunity, you also win a massage. Albert brings along Coach Ben Wade and instead of taking the reward for himself he gives it up to Cochran.  I have no clue why he did this.

After his sensual massage Cochran talks with Prince about voting out  that Rick dude.  Prince plays along but we have seen so much of Cochran this week it couldn’t be more obvious this is filler time for CBS.

Edna and Cochran tell each other “I like you” in what could be the most awkward uncomfortable moment on TV since this.

Cochran is fighting for his Survivor life and it’s just uncomfortable to watch.

Coach is interviewed and quotes some long ass Shakespeare.  NO CLUE what he is talking about but at this point, I will just place trust in him that it is super profound.  Again, a few glasses of wine but I really don’t think it would have mattered.

At Tribal Council Edna cries because she realizes she is sixth in the pecking order.  Cry Counter = 3.  Then Probst tells her to find out who number four and five are and join with them.  I hate when Probst intervenes and he has been doing it a lot.  Stop telling people how to play the game.  Is Edna so clueless that she can’t figure that out?

Brando jumps feet first back onto the crazy train and tells everyone aloud how he is voting?  Then he cries.  Cry Counter = 4.  Cochran says that talking game with Brandon is like trying to talk to Probst about shirt’s that aren’t blue, it just can’t happen.

The vote is two for Rick, four for Cochran and one for Cokran.  Which is potentially another term for a Prince Albert.

Cochran is sent to Redemption Beach to face Ozzy.  How amazing would it be if Cochran beat Ozzy?

Next week I predict that Ozzy fishes.

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