Another Post Mikayla recap.  Only three episodes left until we see her live on the finale episode!  My heart waits for you Miki.

Dawn commented on Facebook about last week’s recap, saying that I was using too much Miki, so I promised to use Dawn as my hot chick pic of the week.   Dawn, I must say, you look great at the top of this recap.  Maybe we’re onto something?  Also, did she put a butt at the end of her comment?  My emoticon deciphering skills are not up to snuff but that looks like some butt cheeks to me.

We start the week in the dark with Cockran heading to Redemption Beach with Ozzy.  Ozzy is already asking for Cock’s vote if he makes it to the final Tribal Council, insinuating that he will be beating Cock in the next Redemption Beach Island challenge.  I hope Ozzy doesn’t blow his load early, he’s still got some hard times ahead.  The last thing he wants to do is explode now, leaving a mess on his hands.  We all know how sticky a situation having that mess on your hands can be.

Back at camp, that Rick dude is doing more than I’ve ever seen him do.  Drying his socks.  Thrilling stuff Rick.

Brandon Tebow (Brandow) asks the tribe to gather and pray like good TebowitesEdna Ma freaks out, saying she isn’t a part of the tribe and rants to Coach Benjamin that Brandow is a “Nineteen year old high school drop out, who’s advertised that he’s crazy.”  Pretty much asking, “Why is that lunatic staying and I’m not?”  The simple answer from Coach should be, “No one’s going to vote for Brandow.”  Wait… Brandow is only nineteen?  How long has he been married?  There’s some Looseeanna stuff going on in that Hantz family I tell ya.

It’s going to be the “bring a family member to the island” episode which always makes me flip out.  #1.  Why does America care who their loved ones are? Can’t CBS give up this twist already?  #2. This is the biggest one.  WHY?  Why does every single person cry when they see their family?  They have been away from them for thirty days.  Thirty!  Not like years or months.  Thirty days.  So bizarre.  Anyways, everyone watches a video of their family member on the island and that Rick dude, Coach Ben, Edna Ma and Brandow all cry just looking at the videos.  Cry Counter = 1, 2, 3, 4

Brandow cries all over the phone and his tears cover the screen.  So touching.

At Redemption Beach Island Arena, Ozzy and Cock compete to stay alive in the game.  This weeks challenge is to toss a grappling hook, grab some balls and then put one of the balls through a tight maze.  (I will refrain from double entendre with the grabbing balls thing this time.  Way too easy.)  Again, it looks like another challenge that Ozzy’s strength will not come in handy.

This is a challenge anyone can win but in what CBS edits to be one of the closest challenges in show history, Ozzy wins… again.  Cock is sent home and cries when Probst asks him about his Survivor journey.  Cry Counter = 5

For winning the challenge Ozzy has to decide who gets to see their family members.  That Rick dude grabs some ladies ass and Prince Albert cries when he sees his mom.  Come on Sophie!  You’re the only one who hasn’t cried this episode!  We can be seven for seven if you’ll shed some tears sister!  Cry Counter = 6

After Brandow and his dad hug just a little too much, Probst proclaims, “Wow.  That was a lot of emotion.”

Ozzy picks, Coach, Prince Albert and Brandow to spend time with their families and they all head to Redemption Beach.  Ozzy will not have time to spend with their families, he will most likely be busy fishing.  He loves to fish.

During the family time Coach ditches his brother and goes to Ozzy “as a Christian man” saying that he wants to be in the final three with him.  Apparently if you say “as a Christian man” at the end that means you’re not lying.  That my friends is what we call in the business of lying a “tell.”  I’m always lying unless I say “as a Christian man.”  Got it.

Brandow tells his dad (Russell Hantz’s brother) that he is here to play the game in Christ’s name and he wont lie to win the game.  Dad pretty much calls him an idiot.  “Son, you’re here to bring home the gold.”  I was waiting for a “Child Please.”  I don’t know, I think Christ has a serious vested interest in this game show and wants Brandow to spread the word.

After talking to his own son for just a few minutes, Brandow’s dad realizes Brandow is off the reservation.  He then goes to go to Coach, who is obviously running shit.  He now tries to strong-arm Coach into taking Brandow to the final three.  In just two minutes on this show, he has done more actual game play than his son has done in over thirty days.

At the Immunity Challenge, Probst gets aggressive with a blue shirt and a blue hat.  The challenge is human Q*Bert, where you move around the board and the last person standing wins immunity.  Brandow is eliminated early and tells Prince Albert that he made strategic moves to ensure Edna Ma lost.  Edna overhears him and rightfully calls him out.  So weird that Brandow thinks that sticking to his word is so much more holy than being a good person, bullying, talking shit behind their backs, gossiping and generally being a lunatic.  There’s more to being Tebowlike than just sticking to your word.  The final two in the challenge are Edna Ma and Coach, with Coach winning.

After he wins Coach bows to Edna.  Is this because she’s Asian or something?

After the challenge Brandon apologizes to Edna and she cries again.  Cry Counter stuck at 6.  Come on Sophie!

Edna makes a case to the rest of the tribe to oust Brandow.  Coach admits that it is a good move but this is Survivor.  Who can you beat in the finals is the name of the game?  Coach ain’t no rookie.  Edna does however offer to eat a piece of Coach’s poop.  Which has to be a tempting offer.

At Tribal Council Probst asks Brandow about how he treated Edna Ma and in his apology, he basically demeans her again, accusing her of taking shots at him.  So Christlike.

With eight minutes left in the show they vote, with so much time left, leading me to believe there will be a tie.  There is not.  Edna gets voted out five to one and heads to Redemption Beach to fish with Ozzy.

Sophie does not cry.  Coach does not pose.

Next week, can Edna beat the great and powerful Oz?

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