To say the least, it’s been an interesting week behind the scenes at Chipwrecks.  Thank you all once again for supporting the site and for coming back for the Survivor recaps.  Chipwrecks is not just about Survivor.  If you have time, please check out all the other nonsense this site has to offer.

Anyways… let the dysfunction begin.

The episode starts off in the dark and banker Mike informs the women he kept their fire warm while they were gone.  Lord knows they couldn’t have started it themselves.  They do luckily have flint… but does that matter?  Kat makes some comment about the fire and I can’t tell if she admitted she can’t start a fire or was trying to say she could.  Either way, we all know the answer.  Can’t.

Christina Cha and Chialicia (Chia Pet and/or from Chicago you make the call on this one) try to reconcile after their finger-pointing “Shut up!” incident at Tribal Council last week.  Behind Cha’s back, Chialicia says she wouldn’t help Cha if she saw her drowning in the ocean.  Let’s pray this is not foreshadowing, since ya know…  there’s an ocean like 20 feet away.

Cha apologizes and Chialicia accepts her apology but has her fingers crossed because she is confident in her early shake and bake alliance of five. (herself, Kim, Kat,  my dear love Chelsea & Sabrina)  I’m suspect of any alliance that is formed 30 minutes into the game.  Not much thought or trust can go into forming an alliance that fast.  Destination = failure.  Please don’t let Chelsea be an early victim!

Afterwards, Chialicia calls Nina a bag of rocks and says she doesn’t know what that means.  Doesn’t matter she has written my new nickname for Nina.  She does look exactly like a bag of rocks.

The women get together to discuss their early downfalls and decide to elect Sabrina as their new leader.  I get it that leaders are elected but in Survivor leaders are NOT elected.  Kiss of death!

Their new “leader”, Sabrina, says there are three categories that are important to the tribe #1 water, #2  food and #3 shelter.  How about #4 common sense and #5 win challenges.  Water, food and shelter are categories only in the Legend of ZeldaMonica Culpepper and her perfect boobs, nominates herself for “water” because she can fill the buckets all the way to the top.  Is getting the jugs filled to the top that difficult?  Speaking of jugs, Monica definitely has nice ones.  Is that what she meant by filling them all the way up?  Was that an implants joke?  Two of the younger girls are going to go “observing for food” and I have no idea what the full-time shelter people are going to do once the shelter is built.  Sleep?  That sounds like the gig for me.

Probst is just getting extremely super über lazy now.  Treemail comes and it is a do-it-yourself reward challenge, sans Probst.  Before the challenge begins, I would like to point out my respect for the women’s tribe for going 100% underwear and/or bikini for this event. Big ups ladies.

The reward challenge is a huge wad of rope that looks like an enormous Celtic knot bracelet.  The first team to untie all the knots gets a tarp.  Yippee!  The women talk a TON during the challenge, which leads you to believe they are ahead…  but again, it’s just hens cackling and the men crush them.  Yeah tarp!  Remember when Colby brought the Texas flag to his season to use as a tarp?  Why no more personal items?  The good news is Chelsea will be spending more time in the rain.  You know what that means = wet t-shirt contest! Woooo!!!

The men bring their tarp spoils back to the camp and Sea Foam, the king of all gayness, lazily plays on a rope swing and then visits the women’s camp.  Maybe not the best move in a game about forming alliances.  However, when he gets to the women’s camp, he is quickly an outcast there as well.  Now I’m a little confused here…  he say’s he doesn’t want to hang out with the men because all he has in common with them is that he has an extra appendage.  I thought that extra appendage was what he liked about men?

Sabrina calls Sea Foam a virus and tells him to “hit the road.”  I suspect she may be regretting giving him that “hidden” immunity idol last week.  In an interview Sea Foam realizes he is on his own and is becoming a tribe of one and rather than getting his shit together, he says he needs to bond with the women to make it far in the game.  Which is so incorrect, even with the hidden idol.  If he doesn’t bond with the men his days are numbered, period.

After being booted from the women’s camp once, he then goes back to the girls and begs to hang out.  Kim wisely kicks his ass to the curb.  If Sea Foam was actually playing the game he could spy on them but since he is just crying and vacationing, it wouldn’t really matter.  Alas, this kids shelf life is about to expire.  Right now, I have to say this is the worst played game I have ever seen and that’s saying a lot.

The men on the other hand seem to be having a great time watching Tarzan dance around in his skiviez.  Then, just when I think Sea Foam can’t get any more stupider, he shows his hidden immunity idol to Troyzan.  Why must people reveal their idols!?  Keep them hidden…. hidden!  Especially if you haven’t even been to the challenge yet.  Oh, and yeah, there’s a Tarzan and a Troyzan, so don’t get them confused.

The immunity challenge is for each tribe to get on a balance beam and then cross each other’s path getting everyone to the other side.  I wish Richard Hatch (not this Richard Hatch) had been in his royal nudeness for this one because there was lot’s of crotch-to-crotch rubbing going on.  It’s a pretty even task for a men’s versus women’s challenge, not too much athletic ability necessary and each gender has a disadvantage.  Men have bad balance and women have big boobs.  Boobs prove to be the bigger disability and the men completely dominate the challenge.

Chelsea makes a comment about “boobs” and “hard” and I kinda blacked out for a few seconds.

After the challenge, the women are back discussing their ineptness and who to vote out.  Tonight’s vote is going to come down to Bag of Rocks or Kat, who doesn’t understand the rules of the challenges and farts in camp.  Bag of Rocks goes to Chelsea and brings up ousting Kat tonight which could spell the demise of the 30 minute shake and bake alliance started by Chialicia.

At Tribal Council, Probst asks Bag of Rocks what the problem with the tribe is.  Bag of Rocks points out that the tribe is being led by the younger members and Probst annoyingly toots Bag of Rocks’ horn, recognizing her life experience in that she was in the LAPD  for 13 years.  I heard she is responsible for sending Eazy-E to the pen but don’t quote me on that.

The line of the night though is Bag of Rocks asking “I wonder what Kat has ever done with her life.”  I so wish Kat would have dropped some Twisted Sister and said “I wanna rock!”  Then Kat cries and the Cry Counter rings for the first time this season.  Ding! Ding!  Cry Counter = 1

The vote comes down to what’s more important to the tribe, Kat and her reasonable athletic ability or Bag of Rock’s life experiences.  I know where my vote would lean…  Kat might be dumb as a box of rocks but Bag of Rock’s life experience ain’t winning no challenges.  The tribe speaks and wisely, they say F..k tha Police.  Nina is voted out pretty much unanimously.  We hardly knew ya Bag of Rocks.

Things aren’t looking up for the women.  Unless a real leader emerges (and NOT via some bullshit election) the men look to pick them apart.  I’m looking at you again Kim!

Next week, the women are without fire and their shelter is useless.  Shocker!

Please like Chipwrecks on Facebook, follow on Twitter and tell your friends about Chipwrecks!  Thanks again and I’ll see you next week.

Advertisements