This recap has been missing something at the top recently.  Welcome back Chels, you sexy little minx. 

Last week the men continued their self-destruction and barring some huge turn of events, I suspect the same will happen this week.  “See ya later” to either Tarzan, Troyzan  or the jockey.  I think I have a pretty good handle on this season… but I guess that’s why they play the games, anything can happen…

Who do you think will win?  Note: I’m not including the dudes because they literally have zero chance.  They are like a 16 seed in the NCAA basketball tournament.

Has anyone else noticed that this season is like a Revenge of the Nerds movie?  These girls are arguably the most beautiful cast ever and the men are well….  different.  These girls legit look like Charlie’s Angels.

In Navy Seal night vision, Troyzan throws a hissy fit about another guy being voted out last week.  How blind was he?  The worst strategy these remaining three morons can have is “I’m playing for myself.”  Why not make some sort of effort to swing the lowest girls on that totem pole (Cha Cha Cha and Chialicia) over to their side?  Too bad the men are turds and nothing like this will happen.  I quote Troyzan,”This is Troyzan versus everybody else.”  Good idea bro, that should work out great for you.

Reward challenge is an auction.  Probst is in a black shirt and black/green hat.  Everyone gets $500 to spend on food or other crap.  Kat buys a BLT and doesn’t know why there is bacon on it?  Tarzan is keeping the $500 to fix his car?  Troyzan wisely buys a note that will give him an advantage in the next immunity challenge.  Besides that, these reward challenges are beyond pointless.  (Except that Kim got naked and ate peanut butter in the shower.)

Troyzan reads the note he bought back at camp and says “You think you have Troyzan outsmarted but you don’t.”  I’m sorry man but they have you outsmarted.  That’s how you got in this predicament in the first place.  He then blatantly goes out looking for the “hidden” immunity idol but doesn’t find it.  Where have the days of Bob Crowley making his own immunity idol gone?  Step it up Troyzan!

For the Immunity Challengezan, Probstzan is thankfully back in bluezan.  The challengezan is first to untangle some knotzans (first three done advance plus Troyzan).  Then to bounce a coconutzan off a trampolinezan (first two done advance).  Then finally to fire a coconutzan from a catapultzan at a wall of targetzans and get a tic-tac-toezan.  The final two are Troyzan and Tarzan and the challengezan is closer than I thought it would bezan.  Tarzan hung in there and with a small breakzan he easily could have wonzan.  However; he didn’t winzan, Troyzan wonzan.

Back at camp Tarzan tells Troyzan to chill out.  I love Troyzan’s get-up-and-go now but he isn’t Ozzy, he’s a middle-aged dude and wont be able to hold onto this solo show forever.  Besides, we have not seen Troyzan fish nearly as much as Ozzy, which apparently Ozzy is good at fishing and that is important in winning Survivor.  (That’s a blast back to last season.) 

Troyzan will have to win seven challenges in a row to make it to the finale and that ain’t happening.  I just wish he would have played this hard five weeks ago.  The girls discuss getting rid of a girl but sense that Troyzan will catch on and expose the girls weakness, thus trying to unite the stragglers.  YAWNNNN!!!  Just fast forward through this crap…  It’s either gonna be Tarzan or the jockey.

Right before they head out, Troyzan does wisely go to Chialicia, Cha Cha Cha, the jockey and Tarzan and proposes aligning and voting out Kim.  Unfortunately the jockey and Tarzan are sheep and there’s no chance that will happen.  Cha Cha Cha and Chialicia could be smart to move there but they also aren’t idiots and know they would be number four and five in that new alliance.  They’d rather stick to their current girl power and take their chances as number five and six.  I’d love to see Cha Cha Cha make a move soon but don’t know how she can.  Hopefully she’s got something up her sleeve; however, I don’t see any sleeves on her bikini.

At Tribal Council, there’s lot of arguing about who is with who in what alliance.  Troyzan lays it out but unfortunately no one is listening and to be fair he only just started listening to himself.  As we all saw coming, the jockey is quietly sent to pasture.  Dude never played the game for once single second.

Next week one of the two Zan’s leaves.  Only two more weeks of “who gives a shit.”  Then we get down to lady time and the nitty-gritty.

Thanks as always for reading!  Don’t forget to comment below.

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