Not to be too much of a downer on this episode but I have never been more sure that someone is going home before an episode starts than I am tonight.  I will watch so I can stare at my girlfriend for forty minutes; but otherwise, prepare for Yawnfest.

Good news…  Caps win!  The Bruins season is over and now I get to watch the end of one of the Zans seasons .  If either Tarzan or Troyzan does not leave tonight, I will cut off a finger.  “Yours or mine?” “Yours.” “That’s what I thought.”

Last week we lost another moron dude and we head back to camp with Troyzan shaking his tail feathers.  In night vision, Tarzan says he finds “himself in a hopeless place.”  Troyzan tells the camera he needs to win every immunity and he is right.  Kim is surprised that her name is being brought up as someone to potentially vote out, which isn’t really that weird since there are only eight people left?

Right away we head to the reward challenge and as if this episode couldn’t be any more “Who gives a shit,” the EXCITEMENT we are dealt is the survivors deciding who wants to take who with them if they win the reward challenge.  Could there be anything less important for CBS to showcase?  I’m now realizing why CBS is forced to throw these curve balls into the season because this trivial, time filling, bullshit is exhausting.

The reward challenge is an old one; answer questions correctly and you get to chop the rope of someone else, once your rope has been chopped three times, you are out.  I think these types of challenges are ok for rewards but not for immunity, so I’m pleased it is used here.  They are like anti Americal Idol challenges (which is screwed up), where you vote out the worst person, not vote for the best.  It makes sense for Idol to do it this way but they choose not to.  Anyways, Idol tangent… sorry.  That show blows.

Nothing really of note during the challenge, except that Cha Cha Cha was voted least deserving of being there.  I have NO CLUE why?  Tarzan has done zero?  Isn’t he an obvious answer?  Anyways, Kim wins and gets to ride around in a helicopter and takes Chialicia and Chelsea with her.

While the girls are on their vacation, Troyzan tells everyone that they need to wake up because they are outsiders.  The cry counter alarm goes off and Kitty Kat cries because “Troy is wrong.”  Troy ain’t wrong but it isn’t going to sway votes either.  Reality meet Kat, Kat meet reality.

There’s about sixty seconds of trying to wrangle a pig…. I’m not talking about someone trying to pick up a fat chick, there’s legitimately a pig in camp.

The immunity challenge is to cover your body in oil, dive on a slip and slide, grab a rope ring and then toss it onto a totem pole…  Ummmm, these girls are going to be covering themselves in baby oil?  Jesus, Mary, Joseph and all the saints!  Excuse me?!?!  I had to watch this with Marvin Gaye singing “Let’s Get It On” in the back ground.  Holy Tabasco!  This is practically like slow-mo porn.

Ladies and gentlemen GOOD NIGHT! They may as well end this season of Survivor right now.  I mean…  What can top that?

Each round is head-to-head, with the “men” paired up right away.  If I’m a betting man, the loser of their head-to-head battle is gone tonight.  Troyzan panics and acts very un-Ozzy like and loses to Tarzan.  The final two in the challenge are Chelsea and Kim with Kim winning a close match.  Throughout the entire challenge Troyzan stood facing the opposite direction?  Not sure why besides he’s being a sore loser.

Sabs for some reason, tells Cha Cha Cha she is going to get the side votes, just in case Troyzan has the hidden immunity idol.  Risky move and not sure why she would tell her that.  Chialicia says Cha Cha Cha has a zero IQ if there is such a thing, then tells us she teaches Special Ed kids.  Wouldn’t you know if there was a zero IQ and wouldn’t you also feel bad saying that if you were a Special Ed teacher?  Alas… we move o.

When the men that were voted out are paraded in to Tribal Council, they should play “Send in the Clowns.”

At Tribal, there’s some talking about not voting for Troyzan but let’s be honest, this is a no doubter…  Troyzan is sent packing.

Next week, Hi-Yo Silver!  Tarzan heads off into the wild blue yonder.  (I know I’m getting my pop culture references wrong here.)

Thanks as always for reading!  Don’t forget to comment below.

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