Survivor Recap: 5/13 Perception Is Not Always Reality

Chelsea and I had a really nice week in Chicago before she had to head to New York City for the finale.  Good luck babe!  Tonight our weekly love affair comes to an end.

Last week Tarzan’s goofy ass was voted out bringing us to five ladies (Kim, Chelsea, Cha Cha Cha, Chialicia and Sabs) and for the first time in show history the final five is all women.  Does anyone know if it has it ever been all men?

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The Big Snip

I’m not usually a follower but sometimes when everyone is doing it, I have to jump on board.  I’ve never been an early adopter and will often even fight it.  For years I heard The Wire was the greatest show on TV but I didn’t want to cave in just because it was cool.  Well…  I shouldn’t have waited, that shit is mind bogglingly good.  Omar’s my homeboy.

This time the cool thing to do was get the snip.  I’d been toying around with the idea for years, I’m still a youngish guy, so why not?  I don’t need no kids.  Kids aren’t smart, they aren’t interesting, they have zero life experience, they never want to go to the bars and besides the regular naps we aren’t interested in any of the same things.  “You’re playing with Legos?  Sweet.  Those were cool thirty years ago loser.”  “The Wiggles… awesome.  Bon Iver got robbed at the Grammys.  Thoughts?  Oh, you don’t have any because you’re a kid.” “Want to go see Drive tonight, starts at 10? Oh that’s past your bed time.  Grow up wuss.”  (I’m joking of course…  I love all your kids even if they are rats.)

Decision made, no kids for me.  Let’s make it official.  Vasectomy.

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Survivor Recap: 5/9 It’s Human Nature

Better late than never Survivor fans.  Sorry…  I know I missed a week but I’ve been über busy, ridiculously sick, blah and 100 other excuses.  I just haven’t had a chance to write anything and didn’t even watch last weeks episode until last night, so I was a whole week behind.  Is anyone even reading these any more?

I was quite wrong last week when I predicted Tarzan would go next.  There was a total blind side of Kitty Kat after she spent all of Tribal Council talking about how she loved blindsides.  One other small note from last week, is that I went to West Point with Sab’s brother Tony, who was “Jeffrey” twenty years ago.  (This was confirmed by Ms. Thompson.)  Check out that stud “Robert.”

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Things I Learned At The Scientology Center

When I first moved to Chicago I lived in the Lakeview neighborhood near the Church of Scientology of Chicago.  I’d walk past it daily and was always intrigued.  Thinking “What the hell is going on in that place,” but I never got the gumption to just say screw it and go in.  One day I was discussing with Fancy how I wanted to go and she instantly took the bait to join me.  We planned our night; dinner, a quick stop into the Scientology Center and then to Schubas to see our friend Nathan Xander’s concert.  Game on…

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Dear Metra Rail

Dear Metra Rail,

I am on a strict schedule.  I have a routine.  I wake up, shower and then chug an enormous coffee from Dunkin Donuts.  I then get on your 2107 train to Fox Lake at exactly 7:49 a.m.  For the past 7 years, you arrive at the Western Avenue stop every Monday – Friday at exactly 7:49, exactly.  I like to sit in the same seat every morning and I will read the Tribune and kibbutz with the regular riders.  Once I’m done with the paper I’ll either rest my eyes or do the Sudoku,  I’m cool like that.

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To Live And Die In Iceland

The population of Iceland is about 300,000 people, about the size of Corpus Christi, Texas. I’ve decided there are multiple reasons the population is so low…. The obvious reason is it’s cold as balls but my research shows that is not the only reason. It is also the most dangerous place on the planet.

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When In Reykjavik…

After being accused of looking like a terrorist by an Icelandair desk agent, I have no choice but to purchase a second full priced ticket to Iceland.  Felix, KY, Charlie and Sexy get on the Wednesday flight, I’ll spend the night in Boston and meet them in Reykjavik on Thursday.  I call Desire in Chicago, he breaks into my apartment, gets my passport and overnight’s it to me in Boston.

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