Charleston Chew (Tootsie Roll) = 230 calories – Ingredients: Milk Chocolate and Vanilla Nougat

A week late… Last week was busy and I never got around to reviewing this turd.

When I first saw the Charleston Chew on the shelf my interest was piqued. It has a nostalgic trip down memory lane old school feel with a yellow wrapper and blue bubble lettering. A bit of a fancy highfalutin treat that your grandparents most likely enjoyed during the bible beating 10’s.

How bad can it be? It’s chocolate and vanilla, you can’t screw that up. The Chaz Chew is a long candy stick, 9 inches… I measured, and don’t let anyone tell you they don’t measure, everyone measures.

A regular blog subscriber of mine, Beefsteak, pointed out last week that “Only a psychopath would eat a Charleston Chew at room temperature.” I froze it… It says right on the wrapper “Try Frozen!” and when candy or cartoons use exclamation points, you listen, because anything that happy must be serious if it inserts additional punctuation. Not sure why it needs to be frozen but I’m also not one to break the rules.

The first problem was that the freezer didn’t really freeze it all the way through. Which could be due to the piss poor quality of mini fridge in the office or possibly the freezer actually did freeze it and it’s supposed to taste like it’s room temperature. Either way I was confused and was hoping it would be more like ice cream but instead it just made it brittle and it broke apart easily.

The chocolate in most of these candy bars is starting to taste the same to me, almost a fraudulent, counterfeit chocolate… a fraudocolate have you. I’ve had a classic Hershey Bar before and to me, THAT tastes like chocolate. The actual chocolate flavor of the Chaz Chew was gone after one chew.

My cameraman requested a bite and it no joke took me 60 seconds to rip him off a piece. It was like trying to tear apart one of those workout rubber bands. Just stretchy pully. I kept yanking at it but couldn’t get it to break apart due to the elastic “nougat”. Seriously though, what is nougat? I am convinced this is a made up word.

The Chaz tasted like caulk and would be better suited for refinishing your bathroom than for human consumption. Not as disgusting as the Bit-O-Hiney but also not really edible. I’m perplexed how some of these pieces of crap manage to stay in mass production.

No joke, I could stare at this video all day. When that dude walked in at :20 and kicked his leg in the air, I legitimately spit water all over my computer.

Also, there is this…

Diabetes Ranking (1 to 5) = 1 Shot of Insulin

Next week we get funky with Chunky.

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