MY NAME IS CHIP. WEIRD SHIT JUST SORTA HAPPENS TO ME EVERY DAY. THIS IS A MEMOIR OF THAT SHIT.
Went to Louisville for KY Gentleman’s birthday. His wifey threw him a party in the back of this Mexican joint. We were all just sipping margaritas and all of a sudden this guy in a Luchador costume runs in. Not sure what was going on but that guy had a tight ass and a fantastic package if you ask me. I’m not positive but he might have been a stripper because that old lady was grinding all over him.
After being accused of looking like a terrorist by an Icelandair desk agent, I have no choice but to purchase a second full priced ticket to Iceland. Felix, KY, Charlie and Sexy get on the Wednesday flight, I’ll spend the night in Boston and meet them in Reykjavik on Thursday. I call Desire in Chicago, he breaks into my apartment, gets my passport and overnight’s it to me in Boston.
Every year for the first Friday of the NCAA Basketball tourney, me and all my scumbag friends will get together and watch the games. We skip work and get to the bar around 10am. Then we pretty much act all day like we are in still in college.
The day starts with an all-you-can-drink open bar and after 10 plus hours of drinking, it always ends exactly the way you think it does. We therefore refer to this Friday as “Black Friday.” This year Charlie decided to make the trip to Chicago for the annual debacle.
Academy Award winner Nicolas Cage, a true master of the arts. Thank Zeus’s BUTTHOLE that he beat Sean Penn for Dead Man Walking to win his Academy Award. That would have been more disgusting than the classic Shakespeare in Love beating that piece of shit arthouse flick Saving Private Ryan.
When this dude is in a movie I don’t walk to see him, I light myself on fire and run like a wild maniac to see him. Guy can eat a peach for hours.
Clark (New England Confectionery) = 270 calories – Ingredients: I’m not sure of the exact ingredients. All I know is that this bar is a saint with children and a genius with food additives and it was… Clark!
I screwed up and completely forgot the Chunky and went straight for the Clark. It’s not that I don’t know the alphabet, I just took the wrong snack from my Fortress of Solitude.
For this week, I thought, why don’t we just forget the Candy Challenge itinerary, and just play it by ear, like normal people? Then I decided, we’re not normal people. We’re Chipwrecks.
May 8, 2012
Chip
