It was Sunday night and I was 14 plus miles into my 16 mile marathon training run. I was in the home stretch and running along the retaining wall along Lake Michigan. I was pretty zoned out and cruising on the sidewalk going against traffic. It was about 9pm so there wasn’t anyone else out there and I was kinda thinking to myself “Maybe I shouldnt be out here in the dark.”
All of the sudden I thought I was shot. I reach down and there was eggshell and blood dripping down my stomach… some punk ass kids driving 40 mph down Lake Shore Drive tossed about 6 raw eggs out the window at me. One bounced off my skull but broke just enough to get egg in my hair, another grazed my arm and a third drilled me directly below the right tit.
If you havent been hit by an egg before let me tell you, at zero miles an hour I imagine that being hit from 5 feet away by a raw egg would “sting”. However, the force of them driving 40 mph toward me and throwing them full speed hurt like hell. I don’t joke when I say that for a second I thought I was shot. It literally knocked the wind out of me. It felt about the equivalent of being drilled in the head by a baseball from about 10 feet away. Which has also happened to me.
A nice passerby stopped and was kind enough to point out to me, “Wow, those kids had great aim.” Thanks dude.
I wasn’t wearing a shirt so it slapped directly into my skin and with no shirt on I had nothing to wipe any of that crap off with. I wont lie and say I wasn’t kind of shook up, I was. Since I still had 2 miles to get home, I collected myself, got through the tunnel under Lake Shore Drive and ran down Chicago Avenue for 2 miles.
People were completely staring at me since I now had egg in my hair, all over my shorts and blood dripping down my belly. “Sorry if I ruined your romantic Michigan Avenue date people. Go back to Detroit.” To help with the visual. I had no shirt on, blood on my belly, I was sporting a full scraggly beard, black head band and I was covered in egg. Obviously a homeless man running on Michigan Avenue.
1 responses to “I Am The Eggman”
Chris Drouin
October 5th, 2011 at 17:50
You really think a little blood and egg on a shirtless shinny white guy is going to scare us in Detroit?
Last date night in the D some heroin addict w/ oozing scabs on his face and blood soaked jeans demanded $5 from my wife in the stairwell of a parking structure. The Catholic School Teacher in her took over an she told the guy to “FUCK OFF AND GET AWAY FROM ME ASSHOLE”
I was hiding behind a Saturn…