MY NAME IS CHIP. WEIRD SHIT JUST SORTA HAPPENS TO ME. THIS IS A SOME OF THAT SHIT.
In 2007, I went to Ann Arbor with Smells to watch Michigan destroy Notre Dame. I love Notre Dame football and have always wanted to go to the Big House, Michigan’s Stadium. We got there on Friday night and did the usual campus drinking. We woke up Saturday morning, tailgated and headed into the stadium. When we got to our seats, I started feeling that “Uh oh” grumble down below.
I went to the Black Angels concert at The Metro last night with this chick Duck Face that I work with. The background is that on my 3rd day here she got a new puppy and wanted to show me pictures of it. She gave me her iPhone and “accidentally” showed me a full frontal picture of herself. Of course I asked her out ON THE SPOT.
A few months ago I started posting stuff on Craigslist to get rid of some old junk. Well the people who were responding were free unintentional comedy, so i thought I would throw some bait on there and see what I could get.
Went to Louisville for KY Gentleman’s birthday. His wifey threw him a party in the back of this Mexican joint. We were all just sipping margaritas and all of a sudden this guy in a Luchador costume runs in. Not sure what was going on but that guy had a tight ass and a fantastic package if you ask me. I’m not positive but he might have been a stripper because that old lady was grinding all over him.
Our senior year at Dayton we lived near the prime parking area for commuter students, right near the academic buildings. I’d park my Wrangler right in front of our house and leave it there for weeks. (Except of course to drive to the bar every night.) We pretty much had a reserved house parking spot, right in front of our place.
Last fall I took a trip the Finland, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania and Poland with Charlie Hustle, Bobby Ford and Felix Ackman. Here are a few pictures from our trip.
I’m not usually a follower but sometimes when everyone is doing it, I have to jump on board. I’ve never been an early adopter and will often even fight it. For years I heard The Wire was the greatest show on TV but I didn’t want to cave in just because it was cool. Well… I shouldn’t have waited, that shit is mind bogglingly good. Omar’s my homeboy.
This time the cool thing to do was get the snip. I’d been toying around with the idea for years, I’m still a youngish guy, so why not? I don’t need no kids. Kids aren’t smart, they aren’t interesting, they have zero life experience, they never want to go to the bars and besides the regular naps we aren’t interested in any of the same things. “You’re playing with Legos? Sweet. Those were cool thirty years ago loser.” “The Wiggles… awesome. Bon Iver got robbed at the Grammys. Thoughts? Oh, you don’t have any because you’re a kid.” “Want to go see Drive tonight, starts at 10? Oh that’s past your bed time. Grow up wuss.” (I’m joking of course… I love all your kids even if they are rats.)
Decision made, no kids for me. Let’s make it official. Vasectomy.
May 10, 2012
Chip
chipwrecks 