These are actual pictures taken from a dating website I’m on.  There’s about a million different things that girls post that drives me mental.  It’s not exclusive to these specific girls below.  These are generalizations… so don’t go feeling all bad for them.  I assure you, there is plenty more crazy where this came from.

 I think this picture was possibly taken about 20 years ago.  And… from the looks of things, seconds before that guy in the background chopped you to pieces

We get it.  You like dogs.  No one loves you and you have love to share.  PS Is this a professional shot?

I don’t know about that one but this is SURELY professional work.  Green shoes with a blue dress.  No fashion sense.  Next.

The “I like to travel” picture.  At least she’s in it because often it’s just a picture of scenery.

That’s what the Eiffel Tower looks like? You’re a horrible photographer.  Photoshop out that van at least. 

The anti-Viagra drug.

You have a dog?  Well that’s nice.  What exactly do YOU look like?

“Me and my family in front of some trash.”

Who exactly are you in this picture?  Hopefully front left drinking the champagne.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess you’re the one in the middle.

You graduated.  That’s spectacular.  You still have the picture though?  Weird.  And who are you in this picture?


Self portrait = No friends.  Happy Potter shirt = No sex

Couldn’t afford the actual picture = cheap

I have a sneaking suspicion that you may be hiding something in these pictures.

Holy… Shit.  You may play a little too rough for me.  (Just kidding.  Nice abs = e-mail me!)

Awww.  Cute! You got a puppy!  You know that dog licks his own ass right?


Let me guess.  Your friends have a boat.

Seriously?  A picture of the sky.  Do you think I’m not on the same planet as you?  Like, I’ve never seen this before?

This is her profile picture.  It’s this small, no joke.

Professional dog shot?  You must be sooooo lonely.

Nothing says “laid back and fun” like your professional head shot.

Except maybe two professional head shots.  “This is me in 2009 and this is me in 2010. I cut my hair.”

The easiest way to scare a guy into a first date is a picture of you in a wedding dress.

Good God.  #1 I’m scared. #2 Guy’s LOVE cats. #3 Stop choking that cat. #4 That cat looks petrified. #5 Take off your wedding ring.

Is that an open invitation?  Be a lady and close your legs.

Slow down with the kiddie stuff Jerry Sandusky.

I get it.  You have a dog.  Why must you torture the poor bastard?  No.  You may not paint my toenails.

You have beautiful eyes.

Your family is a little too sexually suggestive for me.