MY NAME IS CHIP. WEIRD SHIT JUST SORTA HAPPENS TO ME. THIS IS A SOME OF THAT SHIT.
I went to the Black Angels concert at The Metro last night with this chick Duck Face that I work with. The background is that on my 3rd day here she got a new puppy and wanted to show me pictures of it. She gave me her iPhone and “accidentally” showed me a full frontal picture of herself. Of course I asked her out ON THE SPOT.
I’m not usually a follower but sometimes when everyone is doing it, I have to jump on board. I’ve never been an early adopter and will often even fight it. For years I heard The Wire was the greatest show on TV but I didn’t want to cave in just because it was cool. Well… I shouldn’t have waited, that shit is mind bogglingly good. Omar’s my homeboy.
This time the cool thing to do was get the snip. I’d been toying around with the idea for years, I’m still a youngish guy, so why not? I don’t need no kids. Kids aren’t smart, they aren’t interesting, they have zero life experience, they never want to go to the bars and besides the regular naps we aren’t interested in any of the same things. “You’re playing with Legos? Sweet. Those were cool thirty years ago loser.” “The Wiggles… awesome. Bon Iver got robbed at the Grammys. Thoughts? Oh, you don’t have any because you’re a kid.” “Want to go see Drive tonight, starts at 10? Oh that’s past your bed time. Grow up wuss.” (I’m joking of course… I love all your kids even if they are rats.)
Decision made, no kids for me. Let’s make it official. Vasectomy.
These are actual pictures taken from a dating website I’m on. There’s about a million different things that girls post that drives me mental. It’s not exclusive to these specific girls below. These are generalizations… so don’t go feeling all bad for them. I assure you, there is plenty more crazy where this came from.
May 9, 2012
Chip
chipwrecks 