A few months ago I started posting stuff on Craigslist to get rid of some old junk.  Well the people who were responding were free unintentional comedy, so i thought I would throw some bait on there and see what I could get.

I was telling Fancy about my new Craigslist obsession and I was like “What would be the most ridiculous animal I could actually own in Chicago, that I could possibly have in my house?”  Elephants and giraffes, etc are way too big and couldn’t be captured.  I’m just way too terrified of snakes so a huge anaconda is a no-go.  I’d be too scared to look at pictures of them on the internet.  It needed to be a peaceful animal that could live with humans but at the same time would just be obnoxiously big.  Boom… Elroy the Walrus.

I know it is super small but the gist of the post is, I was in Alaska 2 years ago doing some research and I found this walrus and brought him home.  His name is Elroy and he is getting too big for my bath tub.  Elroy eats a lot so I will also throw in the huge aquarium I have for him.

They are in RED and I am in GREEN

On Dec 14, 2011, at 7:39 AM, wrote:
Is this for real?  A Walrus is a bit large to be in any home.  I would suggest letting the zoo adopt him from you.  I have a few contacts over there that I can give you if you would like……
On Wed, Dec 14, 2011 at 10:55 AM, chipwrecks52@gmail.com wrote:
Well, I am realizing that he is too big for my home.  I was hoping someone might have a bigger place. If someone has a pool would be great.  I’m not sure he would like it in the zoo.  He’s pretty independent. 
On Dec 14, 2011, at 11:23 AM, wrote:
Chip, a Walrus is a wild animal, he needs to be a proper environment. Do not give him away to some random person as that will not be a good situation and Elroy will probably have an uncertain future. You need to do the right thing and put him in the zoo so they can give him the proper care and home that he needs. I work with a rescue for animals and can help…..
On Wed, Dec 14, 2011 at 12:42 PM, chipwrecks52@gmail.com wrote:
I appreciate you looking out for Elroy but he is not a wild animal at all, he’s actually really really laid back. I don’t know if he would like being locked up in a zoo all day. Do zoos typically take in outside animals? Don’t they already have other walrus there? He’s kind of a loner and I don’t know how he would do with other walrus.
On Dec 15, 2011, at 7:21 AM, wrote:
Chip, I don’t think you get it.  You nor anyone else should have a walrus their home in Chicago.  Elroy needs to get exercise and interact with other walrus.  He is a wild animal, not a pet.  I do not know you but I am guessing that you are not an expert at taking care of a wild animal in your home…
On Thu, Dec 15, 2011 at 3:42 PM, chipwrecks52@gmail.com wrote:
That is great news!  We exercise all the time, Elroy loves to get outside and go on walks. Do you think a zoo would give him that type of personal care?  I’m just hoping the “right person” will email me. There has to be a family that has room in their hearts and in their pool for Elroy. Do you think that the reason no one has emailed me is because Chicago does not allow in ground pools?  I think a nice yard with a pool would be the perfect fit.  He’s a remarkable character. Thanks for the help!
On Dec 15, 2011, at 10:19 PM, wrote:
What neighborhood do you live in where you can walk Elroy?  Can you please send me a picture of him?
On Thu, Dec 15, 2011 at 11:05 PM, chipwrecks52@gmail.com wrote:
Here is Elroy the day I got him home.  He had just spent quite a few hours in a crate under the plane so he looks pretty tired.  I can assure you his personality is way more exciting that this picture, so please don’t judge a book by its cover.  He’s pretty cute right?  Tell me about your family, do you think you would have room for Elroy?  It sounds like you care quite a bit about animals.

On Dec 16, 2011, at 7:29 AM, wrote:
How long have you had Elroy?  And yes he is very cute.
On Fri, Dec 16, 2011 at 8:40 AM, chipwrecks52@gmail.com wrote:
Going on 2 years now. 
On Dec 16, 2011, at 8:48 AM, wrote:
And how did you get him?
On Fri, Dec 16, 2011 at 9:49 AM, chipwrecks52@gmail.com wrote:
I work for Pearson Coal Petrography, I was in Alaska on Cape Pierce and was doing some research on coking coal for our laboratory in British Columbia.  Elroy had washed up on shore and lie on the beach overnight, after waiting over 24 hours for his mother to come, I couldn’t resist going down to help him out.  I fed him some fish and we developed an instant bond.  My co-worker suggested we take him to Cordova to the animal health center but I knew I could take care of him myself.  So I crated him up and flew him to Chicago where he has been living with me for the past 2 years.  I assure you he has been properly cared for and is house broken.  He has his own room so you don’t have to worry about him going poop inside.  I appreciate your interest in Elroy and I don’t want to be pushy but are you interested in buying Elroy or not?  I think fair market value is around $5k.
On Dec 16, 2011, at 10:02 AM, wrote:
You are SELLING him?  I thought you were just looking for a home for him?
On Fri, Dec 16, 2011 at 10:04 AM, chipwrecks52@gmail.com wrote:
The post says Walrus For Sale.  He’s valuable?  You can’t just give something like that away?  I wouldn’t just donate my car, I’d sell it.
On Dec 19, 2011, at 10:20 AM, wrote:
Chip, I have included my friend “Jack Hanna” (not really Jack Hanna) on this e-mail.  He is a zoologist at the Lincoln Park Zoo and I think it is appropriate if you speak with him.
On Dec 19, 2011, at 10:47 AM, wrote:
XXXXX has told me you are keeping a wild animal in yoru home.  You MUST bring the animal to the zoo no later than today or I will be requred by law to report these matter.  Beyond the moral issues of housing a wild animal it is danger to the animal, yoruself and the public. not to mention that keeping a walrus in your home is illegal Im assuming that the animal is too big to transport therefor send me your contact information and I will detail arrangements for the animal to be cargoed to the zoo.  there will be a charge assessed to you for the transport which you will incur.  In exchnage for you paying for the transport of the animal, I will not report this matter to the authorities.
On Mon, Dec 19, 2011 at 11:13 AM, chipwrecks52@gmail.com wrote:
The authorities?  Who the walrus police?  Why would you do that?  This is hard enough for me, losing my best friend.  And there’s no need for you to send a truck here.  I have a trailer that I put him in when we go out, so he can just jump on there.  I’m really not sold on the zoo idea though.  He is a snuggler and I don’t think he will get the love he needs.  He also loves Miller High Life and can really put them away.  If the zoo could get Miller to sponsor Elroy’s enclosure I would feel much better about sending him away. 
On Dec 19, 2011, at 11:18 AM, wrote:
Don’t you have anything better to do than waste people’s time?

No. No I do not…  Anyone have any recomendations of things I can “sell” on Craigslist?