Academy Award winner Nicolas Cage, a true master of the arts.  Thank Zeus’s BUTTHOLE that he beat Sean Penn for Dead Man Walking to win his Academy Award.  That would have been more disgusting than the classic Shakespeare in Love beating that piece of shit arthouse flick Saving Private Ryan. 

When this dude is in a movie I don’t walk to see him, I light myself on fire and run like a wild maniac to see him.  Guy can eat a peach for hours.

Nic Cage can be the Castor Troy to my Sean Archer any day of the week and twice on Sundays.  He’s got twice the square footage we’ve got… AIGHT! 

I seriously respect everything about this guy, right down to the spelling of his name.  When dude was born he said “What do you say we cut the chit-chat… A-HOLE… I don’t need an H in my name!”

It’s a crazy fuckin world we live in CAPTAIN JACK!