Posts tagged ‘A Few Of My Favorite Things’

My Favorite Things: #9 Nic Cage

Academy Award winner Nicolas Cage, a true master of the arts.  Thank Zeus’s BUTTHOLE that he beat Sean Penn for Dead Man Walking to win his Academy Award.  That would have been more disgusting than the classic Shakespeare in Love beating that piece of shit arthouse flick Saving Private Ryan

When this dude is in a movie I don’t walk to see him, I light myself on fire and run like a wild maniac to see him.  Guy can eat a peach for hours.

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My Favorite Things: #8 Yelling Out Requests At Concerts


Play Freebird!

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My Favorite Things: #7 Serving’s Of Three

Three is such the perfect amount for an appetizer.  The majority of people who go to restaurants are in groups of three so it only makes sense to serve appetizers in three’s.

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My Favorite Things: #6 Office Popcorn


Ahh…. The savory smell of popcorn in the afternoon.

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My Favorite Things: #5 Paper Towel Dispensers

One of my life mantras is “The More The Better.”   Why would I want to dry my hands with one large paper towel when I could use like five or six miniature towels at a time.  Plus, silver lining, I’m getting tons of extra exercise while I’m pumping this slot machine arm for 3 inches of paper at a time.

In 1999 I proudly walked in the  “Million Man March Against the Hand-Crank Towel Dispensers.”  It was time they made those things electric!  I remember the outcry from the media against the hand-cranked machines, due to the years of oppression we were subjected to living under.  Being forced to use brute human strength to crank those archaic machines for a towel, simply to dry our freshly cleansed hands.

I only wish the new electric sensors didn’t work all the time.  Seems like it would be fun to stand there waving my arms around like an idiot, hoping a tiny piece of paper might possibly come out.

My Favorite Things: #4 Self Serve Soda Machines

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My Favorite Things: #3 Straws

I cannot think of one single thing that is more masculine than sipping on a straw.  Sucking on a straw goes hand-in-hand with chopping wood, fixing cars and shooting guns.

My Favorite Things: #2 Referring To Someone As A “Future Hall Of Famer”

I just don’t see how referring to someone as a “future” hall of famer could possibly jinx their career?  If someone has even a decent career we should call him a “future hall of famer,” it’s just a nice way to thank them for trying so hard.  It really isn’t fair that everyone can’t be in the Hall Of Fame.  If they can’t be in their actual Hall Of Fame, maybe we should open a Hall Of Very Good or a Hall Of He Tried Real Hard?

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