MY NAME IS CHIP. WEIRD SHIT JUST SORTA HAPPENS TO ME. THIS IS A SOME OF THAT SHIT.
Academy Award winner Nicolas Cage, a true master of the arts. Thank Zeus’s BUTTHOLE that he beat Sean Penn for Dead Man Walking to win his Academy Award. That would have been more disgusting than the classic Shakespeare in Love beating that piece of shit arthouse flick Saving Private Ryan.
When this dude is in a movie I don’t walk to see him, I light myself on fire and run like a wild maniac to see him. Guy can eat a peach for hours.
Three is such the perfect amount for an appetizer. The majority of people who go to restaurants are in groups of three so it only makes sense to serve appetizers in three’s.
One of my life mantras is “The More The Better.” Why would I want to dry my hands with one large paper towel when I could use like five or six miniature towels at a time. Plus, silver lining, I’m getting tons of extra exercise while I’m pumping this slot machine arm for 3 inches of paper at a time.
In 1999 I proudly walked in the “Million Man March Against the Hand-Crank Towel Dispensers.” It was time they made those things electric! I remember the outcry from the media against the hand-cranked machines, due to the years of oppression we were subjected to living under. Being forced to use brute human strength to crank those archaic machines for a towel, simply to dry our freshly cleansed hands.
I only wish the new electric sensors didn’t work all the time. Seems like it would be fun to stand there waving my arms around like an idiot, hoping a tiny piece of paper might possibly come out.
I cannot think of one single thing that is more masculine than sipping on a straw. Sucking on a straw goes hand-in-hand with chopping wood, fixing cars and shooting guns.
February 28, 2012
Chip
chipwrecks 