Every year for the first Friday of the NCAA Basketball tourney, me and all my scumbag friends will get together and watch the games.  We skip work and get to the bar around 10am. Then we pretty much act all day like we are in still in college.

The day starts with an all-you-can-drink open bar and after 10 plus hours of drinking, it always ends exactly the way you think it does.  We therefore refer to this Friday as “Black Friday.”  This year Charlie decided to make the trip to Chicago for the annual debacle.

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Academy Award winner Nicolas Cage, a true master of the arts.  Thank Zeus’s BUTTHOLE that he beat Sean Penn for Dead Man Walking to win his Academy Award.  That would have been more disgusting than the classic Shakespeare in Love beating that piece of shit arthouse flick Saving Private Ryan. 

When this dude is in a movie I don’t walk to see him, I light myself on fire and run like a wild maniac to see him.  Guy can eat a peach for hours.

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Clark (New England Confectionery) = 270 calories – Ingredients: I’m not sure of the exact ingredients. All I know is that this bar is a saint with children and a genius with food additives and it was… Clark!

I screwed up and completely forgot the Chunky and went straight for the Clark. It’s not that I don’t know the alphabet, I just took the wrong snack from my Fortress of Solitude.

For this week, I thought, why don’t we just forget the Candy Challenge itinerary, and just play it by ear, like normal people? Then I decided, we’re not normal people. We’re Chipwrecks.

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Charleston Chew (Tootsie Roll) = 230 calories – Ingredients: Milk Chocolate and Vanilla Nougat

A week late… Last week was busy and I never got around to reviewing this turd.

When I first saw the Charleston Chew on the shelf my interest was piqued. It has a nostalgic trip down memory lane old school feel with a yellow wrapper and blue bubble lettering. A bit of a fancy highfalutin treat that your grandparents most likely enjoyed during the bible beating 10’s.

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Caramello (Hershey Cadbury) = 360 calories – Ingredients: Milk Chocolate and Creamy Caramel

Carmelo Anthony… It’s a bit of a stretch but it’s also the best I can do. And… I realize I’m going bald, so save your comments.

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Bounty (Mars) = 270 calories – Ingredients: Milk Chocolate and Coconut

“What is hairy on the outside, wet on the inside, starts with a C and ends with a T?” “A coconut.”

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